We matter more than that scale number or workout time.
I sit here, listening to a worship song with a heavy heart. My intention for my next blog was to debrief my 21 Day Sugar Detox and all the great things I learned from it. Yet, I cannot shake the feeling that I must write and express a separate blog on the most important thing that happened during and after the detox. And this my friends, my brothers and sisters, is that I learned how much mind, soul, heart AND strength matter to God. You see – whenever we think about health, we tend to only think about food and exercise, food and exercise, food and exercise. Gosh, it tires me out just to write that never mind actually doing it.
You see, for years I have struggled in the physical realm when it comes to weight and exercise. I went from being overweight and eating poorly, to being active and eating well. Then, I slowly slipped into being underweight and eating barely. Then, I plummeted into being overweight again and eating poorly. This nasty cycle repeated itself over and over again, and I gave up. I settled for being a little overweight and eating sort of well. I didn’t love my body with sleep, with exercise, with good food choices. I gave up. And now, after 10 years of this constant battle, I finally realize that I could never and can never win the fight against food and exercise on my own. For one, this struggle goes beyond the physical realm to the spiritual realm where the enemy is clearly out to destroy me physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually. Second, no food, exercise program, or pants size can ever fill the part of my soul God was meant to fill. I, like many, thought being perfect on the outside all the time, every day, would bring me joy, bring me happiness, and would make me matter. But that lie only left me dry, weary, and undernourished spiritually. I don’t wanna go back there. I don’t want to be over nourished physically, and undernourished spiritually. I don’t wanna be underweight physically and undernourished spiritually. What do I want? I want to be over nourished physically and over nourished spiritually. I want to be healthy and strong physically, without sacrificing my soul, without giving up the Living Water and One who gives me life.
I’m so tired of this losing battle where I seek everything but Jesus to fill me. You see, although I have come along way in using food or exercise to fill my broken soul, I have replaced it with other things: Order, Schedules, Activities, Work, Social Gatherings, etc. I’ve used everything and everyone else to fill my soul besides the one I KNOW can and will willingly nourish my soul. To be honest, I don’t even know how I got here. I thought I was doing well – spending time with God daily, attending bible studies, doing various ministry activities, singing and leading worship, etc. etc. But honestly, those things cannot and will never fill you if you don’t offer your HEART, MIND, SOUL, and STRENGTH to God. I’ve hidden my heart from God, not willing to be vulnerable, not willing to be open because that takes time, and I’m a busy girl with no time, remember (reference to previous post)? That’s stupid thinking and I’m ashamed to admit that I sometimes think and live that way. See, life will always be busy, life will always have activities, no matter where we are or what stage of life we are in. I need to FIGHT for my heart to be devoted to the only One WORTHY of my devotion, the One who gave HIs life for mine, who longs to make me well in every area of my life, the One I was made for. This won’t come easy, I know, but it’s a fight I need to keep fighting and never give up. Yet, unlike before, I will not do this on my own, I will not fight on my own. My Beloved, my Savior, My Father, my Friend has promised me that this battle is His, and that He will fight, that I only need to rely on Him and His Strength in my weakness. My Beloved is the Creator of the heavens and earth, and Victor over all that is evil. That alone, makes Him trustworthy, that alone gives Him credibility. That alone makes Him worthy of all my faith and love, which I will fight to give Him daily.
God adores me, delights in me, ravishes His love for me. He desires for all parts of me to be made well, not just my physical body. I would argue that He cares more about my mind and soul, than he cares about my body. This body will die one day. This body will waste away one day. I will not take it with me when I meet Jesus. Does that mean I just treat it horribly? No, God lives in me and this is His temple. What it does mean is that there are more important aspects of life and health that we must pay attention to, that we must give time and discipline too just as we give to physical health. Furthermore, it also means that I MATTER more than my pants size. I MATTER more than that scale number or workout time. I matter more than any physical attribute or achievement I will ever obtain. And my dear brother and dear sister, it also means that YOU MATTER more than your body size, look, and ability. YOU MATTER to the God of the heaven and earth. YOU MATTER more than that scale number or workout time. YOU and I BOTH MATTER more.
Let us fight to make this a reality in our mind and in our lives. Let us not shrink back to the forces and lies that tell us otherwise. Let us face them with the Sword of Truth in our hand and our God on our side, and let us fight the battle that has already been won for us when Jesus gave His life for our freedom and healing on the cross.
