My Personal Journey in Overcoming Eating Disorders
Eating disorders are not something most people want to talk about. The root of an eating disorder goes so deep, and it’s hard to communicate the entirety of one’s struggle with it.
More than that, it’s just hard to talk about. The person struggling with an eating disorder often feels so much shame, guilt and hopelessness and is scared people won’t understand what they are going through. On the other hand, the friend or family member of the individual with an eating disorder desires to understand but may feel helpless to help those they love overcome.
This lack of discussion is no one party’s fault, but the lack of discussion allows the disorder to continue, often leaving those who struggle in a state of isolation, depression and honestly, a cycle of self-harm that doesn’t end. A cycle that leads to the eating disorder and struggle with food and one’s body as a defining part of the person’s identity, instead of a struggle that one can overcome. A cycle of hopelessness with no sign of redemption.
That was my story. A broken relationship with food, my body and myself became my life and who I was. In high school and for a portion of university, I struggled with eating too little and too much, exercising too little then too much, loving my body then abhorring my body, and accepting who I was to rejecting every part of who I was.
I, like many, thought the cycle would never end. I, like many, was discontent with who I was and who I had become. I, like many, felt beyond saving, beyond redemption. I, like many, gave up on ever finding wholeness and happiness in who I was and how I looked.
And although I talked about it with some people, it was just hard to talk about. It was hard to feel like people understood, and even harder to admit that I struggled with food. So somewhere deep down, I accepted that I would always struggle with eating issues.
But thanks be to God, I was wrong.
I was wrong to believe I was beyond healing or saving. I was wrong to believe that I would never overcome my struggles with food. I was wrong to ever believe that the God who created me could never save me. I was wrong to believe I was stuck in a never-ending cycle of defeat. I was wrong because now, I’m living testimony that anyone can be made new, that anyone can be rescued from the pit of despair, trade in mourning for dancing, and re-write their story.
My New Story
If anyone can testify to the redemptive power of Jesus in saving her from the weight of her brokenness, sin, and desolation, I can.
I can because I know what it’s like to feel hopeless and in despair. I know what it’s like to hate yourself because of how you look. And I know what it’s like to feel helpless to the power of food over you. I know.
Yet, I’m so glad that I know something else.
I know what it’s like to feel God’s love pierce my most broken places. I know what it’s like to feel joy again. I know what it’s like to overcome and be empowered to live a life worthy of God’s love. I know what it’s like to be free and to love ALL of who God created me to be.
I know what victory is like. I know what it’s like to overcome eating disorders.
And although I still struggle from time-to-time, I live as one who is redeemed, free, and resilient to the very end.
My Entire Story – in Video and Podcast
A couple weeks ago I was given the blessing of spending time with Kristine Coffman and Andrea Wakim, founders of Resilient One, a Jesus-centered initiative to empower other women who have overcome abuse or self-harm to use their experience to help others and fulfill God’s calling on their lives.
In this interview, I was able to share my entire story and journey on my beginnings with eating disorders, the struggled I had with them, and how I overcame them. I was able to share that hope is possible, even for the woman or man who feels too far gone and unable to be saved.
A short version of the interview is in the video below, but you can listen to the full interview on the Resilient One website >>HERE<<.
But before you watch and listen – there’s something I want you to know before you watch and listen: you are not alone.
You Are Not Alone
Now this is the moment I want to speak to you directly and say that if a broken relationship with food, your body and yourself is something you have struggled with – do not give up hope. It does not define you and your aren’t beyond saving.
There is hope to overcome, there is victory to be had. It’s not just something for me, but it something for every woman, man, girl and boy out there who has and will ever struggle in this area.
Just know this: you are not alone. I refuse to let you feel that way and continue that way. PLEASE reach out to me at madewellky@gmail.com if you need someone to talk to, pray for you, walk alongside you.
It is my deepest longing and prayer that every woman, man, girl and boy experience the freedom and love that the Creator has for them. I eagerly await for everyone struggling to know without a doubt, that their story with eating disorders or a broken relationship with food does not have to end in defeat but can and will end in overcoming this struggle.
The only thing left to do is to reach out, talk about our struggles with food and our bodies, and help each other along the road of redemption and victory.
